Healing Betrayed Hearts
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • Services
  • Register
    • THERE IS HOPE
    • THERE IS HEALING
    • YOU ARE NOT ALONE
  • Blog
  • FAQ
  • Contact

SMOKING HOPE

8/3/2018

0 Comments

 
Vol. 1 No. 5

houston we have a problem: part v

​This is a five part series intended to be read in order.​
​WARNING: ADULT LANGUAGE AND SEXUAL CONTENT. DISCRETION ADVISED.
WHEN I OPENED the bedroom door, I wasn’t even thinking about my husband. But as soon as I realized I had to leave the safety of the bedroom, I panicked. I wasn’t ready to face him. I stood in the doorway unable to move.

I listened. Nothing.

I couldn’t hear him in the living room. Where was he? Maybe he wasn’t awake yet? I couldn’t handle a confrontation right now. I had to get ready and leave for the day. I had to avoid him until I could figure this out.

Darting across the hallway, I strode into the bathroom and gently closed the door. I stood behind it, waiting for the ringing in my ears to stop. Just as I put my head on the door, he gently knocked.

“Aargh,” I shrieked. “Go away.”

“Hon, I’m sorry. Please come out and talk to me.”

“Go away,” I repeated.

“Please babe, I …”

I cut him off. “I. SAID. GO. AWAY.” I heard his footsteps recede down the hallway. Stifling a sob, I took off my clothes and turned on the water for the shower. I caught a glimpse of my naked reflection in the mirror as I was waiting for the water to warm.

Yuck!

No wonder he wanted to look at that magazine.

A closer inspection revealed that I had put on a few pounds since we got married. There was a bulge in my gut that hadn’t been there before. Plus, my hips and thighs looked bigger. Even my hands looked bloated and fat.

My eyes were all red and splotchy and had huge dark circles under them. My hair was plastered to the side of my face on one side and sticking up in the back. It looked like it hadn’t been combed in a week. My brown roots desperately needed a highlight, and my eyebrows could use a full waxing. I was desperately close to achieving full unibrow status.

Pathetic!

The reflection staring back at me proved what a total loser I had become. I was a 21-year-old hot mess and I wasn’t sure how it had happened. I knew that before I went to bed, I felt good. But the past hour had somehow robbed me of everything I thought I knew.

I couldn't un-see the ugliness that was a billboard before my eyes now. How could I have looked at myself and not seen what a wreck I was? And when did I let myself go like this? Who was this woman looking back at me?

How could I ever feel attractive again?

If my own husband preferred models, I'd never be able to satisfy him.

Peeling my eyes away from my reflection in disgust, I stepped into the shower. My tears mixing with the spray of the water, I sobbed quietly while I lathered my body. How was I ever going to get through this day, let alone the rest of my life?

EVERYTHING changed with that ugly discovery and I felt like such a fool for not knowing sooner.

My entire life was a big

fat

ugly

lie.

Really?
xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"
0 Comments

Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Author

    Traci is a Betrayal Recovery Specialist and the owner of Healing Betrayed Hearts. She has almost 30 years experience recovering from a relationship with a sex addict. 

    Archives

    September 2019
    June 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed

 Healing Betrayed Hearts © 2008 - Present
​​All rights reserved
Covington, Kentucky

The content on this website is intended for educational and informational purposes only, and is not to be construed as advice. 
Testimonials shown on this website are examples of typical client results, however, they in no way guarantee a similar outcome.
​

Terms and Conditions  |   Disclaimer  |   Privacy Policy
  • Home
  • ABOUT
  • Services
  • Register
    • THERE IS HOPE
    • THERE IS HEALING
    • YOU ARE NOT ALONE
  • Blog
  • FAQ
  • Contact